Tuesday, February 2, 2010

How to Demonstrate Your Stupidity With Only Your Vehicle

1. Affix a Jesus fish to the outside.
This will not only show me that you are an over-judgemental prick, but an over-judgemental prick that needs attention. Look at me, everyone! I'm Christian! That makes me a good person!

2. Cover your car in bumper stickers.
I don't care if you voted McCain/Palin 2009 or that you're only driving fast because you have to poop or that you like Insane Clown Posse. Save it for your E-Harmony profile.

3. Install stupid rims.
If they spin or are bigger than the tires themselves, save your money to spend on an unnecessarily loud speaker system.

4. Paint it an unnatural color.
Fact: 4 out of 5 car accidents are caused by temporary blindness incurred by chameleon coated vehicles. Guns don't kill people. Ugly cars kill people.

5. Drive a Hummer.
Nothing says "Douchebag" like a vehicle modeled after military equipment that uses more fuel than a private jet. Plus, if one more girl in a burqua driving one of these monstrosities tries to run me over in the parking lot at school, I'm going to scream.

6. Drive a Smart Car.
Good for the environment? Sure! Good for the driver? Uh....not so much.

7. Drive a Toyota.

33 miles per gallon and a probable death guarantee!


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