Tuesday, November 17, 2009

In Which I Am Much Calmer

Dear Internet,

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go all Flavor of Love Girls on you yesterday. I had a rough weekend.

Internet, I am just...tired of being everyone's friend only when it's convenient for them. Nobody seems to care when I need a friend to talk to.

I got some bad news on Sunday night and all I wanted was to talk to someone. And Corey does his best, but I just needed one more person. Someone who wasn't so involved in the situation. And as I looked through my phone for someone to call, I couldn't find anyone that I thought would care. I felt like I'd be bothering everyone.

On top of that, I'd been cancelled on consistently all weekend. Listen, I get it: People are busy. But don't make plans with me so that I'm hanging out waiting on your call and then cancel at the last minute when it's too late for me to do anything else. That's just shitty and unfair.

Then the Bar Night Fiasco of 2009 thing just put me over the edge. Nobody even wanted to waste their time hanging out with me. Nobody could be bothered to take time out of their busy schedules just to spend a few hours talking to me and drinking with me and watching people make crazy fools of themselves as they attempted to single-handedly sing both parts to "Everybody Dance Now." (True story. I totally saw a guy do that.)

It hurts my feelings. And I don't think that matters to anyone, though it should. I'm a person, after all. I matter.

You know, Internet, I will let you in on a secret. I've never told anybody this before. But when I was 14, I used to spend hours on a Weight Watchers message board every day. Talking to people. Just needing some kind of attention. It was sad. It was pathetic. I don't want to go back to that place.

I don't wanna be that pathetic kid anymore.

I don't wanna be Paul Rudd from "I Love You, Man" putting out ads in the paper for friends.

I don't wanna be lonely no more.

I just want my friends to care about me. Is that so much to ask?


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