Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Bustin' Heads

Oh. Em. Gee.

I am so mad.

I don't wanna get into the grisly details, but basically I overdrafted my checking account by a teensy weensy bit and goddamnmotherfucking Bank of America (by the way, NEVER GO THERE. I repeat: NEVER GO THERE. Boycott the hell out of that money-sucking black hole.)

Seriously. Eight, count 'em EIGHT $35 "debit hold" fees in a single day, not to mention a few $10 "overdraft protection" fees which, correct me if I'm wrong, is a TERRIBLE idea seeing as hey, if I'm close to overdrafting, what good will it do my account to SUBTRACT $10? Hmm? HMMMM?!?!

Anyway, so I leave work figuring I'll go there, pay them with my mother's money (Don't worry, I'll pay her back if it takes another 21 years.), get them to reverse the overdraft fees (like everyone keeps telling me they should do) and be on my broke-ass way back to work.

Apparently, that was not the case.

I sat there for a good 15 minutes listening to Careless Whisper on a boom box, sitting next to two elderly men (Apparently, 3:00PM is like, Prime Time for the elderly at the bank. Seriously, I've never seen so many orthopedic sandles in my life.) who I'm sure could smell my feet since my anti-odor shoe inserts were not at their freshest.

Mind you, this branch currently has four employees that I can count: one teller, one woman at the drive-through, one at a desk helping an elderly Indian couple apply for a loan and one chick greeting people at the door and sitting us all in a row to wait for "Cindy," the woman at the desk, who would "just be another minute."

My ass.

Evidently, I looked perturbed because the Walmart greeter girl sent me to the counter to deal with the teller who was actively flirting with the young guy in work clothes that had come to cash his paycheck. And she was laughing and giggling and making conversation as I tapped my ripe-smelling black ballet flat and fumbled in my pinstripe pants for my wallet.

So finally, dude leaves. And when he turned around, he wasn't even hot so girl was obviously desperate. But moving on.

I get up there and am trying to keep my voice down as I calmly explain to her that I am overdrawn and want to reverse the fees and pay it off. But suddenly, teller chick isn's so helpful and she's all, "We can't do this at the branch and call this number blah blah blah..."

Whatever, chick. Sorry I lack things like a wang and the necessity to stare at your boobs and say clever things like, "Haha yeah..." to make you giggle. Here's your effing check and could you please not announce to the entire Bank of America population that I spent $14 at McDonald's, thankyouverymuchwhore?

Whatever. I'm over it.

I'll probably have to pay the electric bill next month to make up for this and I am switching banks the absolute milisecond I get my paycheck (I may even stay up until midnight waiting outside the credit union like a new PSP game is coming out.) and I'll be damned if I ever even use a Bank of America ATM for the rest of my life, but as soon as I close this account, I will be free.

And not free except for a bunch of hidden fees free, either.


1 comment:

  1. Chase is a good bank. They will take care of you sweetheart.