Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Stop There and Let Me Correct It

Oh hi, Women's Health Fair table lady. No thank you, I do not have a prostate that needs checking ergo negating the need for me to know how.

No, I don't think the situation will ever arise where I would need to check someone else's either. I cannot be paid enough.

But thank you for the free plastic bandaid and Neosporin kit.

Anyway, I believe I may be coming down with a cold as I am stuffy with a headache and fell asleep around 8:30 PM last night. And the thing is, when I'm sick, all I can focus on is pitying myself and whining and wanting hugs.

Which doesn't mesh well with working. Because I don't think my co-workers are up to cuddling with me.

Perchance I contracted something from all the ADORABLE BABIES at Addison's birthday party. ADORABLE BABIES that my mom did not have a big enough purse to carry out unnoticed. And plus, Corey wouldn't let me have any.

That boy never lets me do anything fun.

Also, I've got "New Perspective" by Panic! At The Disco stuck, nay JAMMED in my brain today. And it's such a good song. Especially because it's so blatantly, unapologetically, deliciously inappropriate as many of their songs tend to be.

My favorite line? "Can we fast-forward to you going down on me?"

I mean, seriously. This is no "Mr. Brightside" (The Killers).

This is no coy play on words:

Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his...chest, now

None of that. No beating around the bush. It's dirty and everyone knows it.

And I like it.


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